Pieces of You
by Cheshire Pandacat
Summary: You've changed. And I can't help but wonder, is it my fault? A Riku vignette. Spoilers for the end of 3D, and an extra dose of the great KH tradition, angsty existentialism.


A/Ns: Here's a little Riku vignette. Because one day you sit down and think, what does Kingdom Hearts need? More angsty existentialism! ;)

Warnings: Spoilers! Especially for the end of Dream Drop Distance.

Disclaimer: Not mine, not profiting, yadda yadda.

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Pieces of You

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You've changed. And I can't help but wonder, is it my fault?

Your eyes, your smile, your words, are too nice. Don't get me wrong, you were always nice. Especially compared to me, dying of restless frustration.

But now there's a sweetness to you that I thought you'd grown out of – the innocence and simplicity of a child. And sure, that doesn't sound so bad, but no matter how you dress it up, it's a step backwards.

You're almost sixteen, Sora. But when you smile at me, hug me and say how much you worried about me, I see the four-year-old who guilelessly followed wherever I led, trusting me completely, as if that were the most natural thing in the world.

Aren't teenagers supposed to be belligerent sometimes? I know I certainly had my moments.

Remember the days before I opened the door and let the Darkness in? You got upset when you lost our matches (don't try to deny it), you glared at me when I won the race and got to name the raft, you got jealous of me. You got _frustrated _with me.

Even after we lost the Islands, when we ran into each other, I could tell you were still the same: cheerful, optimistic, determined, always nosing into others' business when you thought you could help. But frustrated with the situation you'd found yourself in, a little skeptical sometimes, and when I took the Keyblade from you, I saw you fall to your knees in helpless despair… and you were _mad _at me, even a little disgusted with what I'd done. Even if you didn't say it, I could see it in your eyes.

A nice kid? Absolutely. But this innocent, sweet child I see before me now, who whoops and cheers for me when I become a Keyblade Master, and you don't?

I'd rather you glared at me again.

I just can't help but feel like you've lost something.

And I know the exact moment you changed: when you stabbed yourself with the Keyblade of Heart, to wake Kairi. When she brought you back, you were… different.

Is it because of Roxas?

I watched him for a while, you know. At first I couldn't help but think, no way. This can't be Sora's Nobody. I mean, I know it's a Nobody, but… he's so _serious_. He doubts and hesitates when you would charge forward with a smile on your face. Even when he's with his virtual friends, he holds himself back from them a little. He's just… reserved. And that, you've never been.

Seriously, I was starting to wonder if maybe everyone had it wrong, and that goofy, lazy one was your real Nobody, somehow.

I suppose, if you merged who you are now with Roxas, you might get who you used to be. But the thing is, you _are _merged with Roxas. He's a part of you. I watched it happen, made _sure _it happened, let DiZ do horrible things to Roxas and Namine just to wake you up. I gave into the darkness a second time for the power necessary to do it.

Can't you at least get mad at me for that? Can't you at least get mad at _DiZ _for that?

Can you even get mad at your friends at all anymore?

I watched you after you woke up, to make sure you were okay. I wanted to be beside you, to start repairing the damage I'd done to our friendship, but with that body… and I still wasn't confident that I could control Ansem, or even my own darkness. I kept my distance.

But I watched you.

It didn't take me long to realize something was off.

You were too perfect. Your friends never got on your nerves, you never doubted, you were selfless, you never stopped looking for me.

You were mad at me, before you lost your Heart. I know you were. But after you got it back, the anger was gone.

Roxas was so, _so _angry, when he realized what had been done to him. I think he hated me. He certainly hated DiZ.

He shouldn't have been able to, without a Heart. Without you. Did he somehow take something away from you, broken off by the Keyblade of Heart?

I can't even imagine who you are now feeling hate towards anyone.

I think if Xehanort walked up right now and told you he regretted everything he'd done, was genuinely sorry, and asked for your forgiveness, you'd give it to him. In a heartbeat, without hesitation.

Two years ago? No way.

But then, I don't think you can even hold a grudge anymore.

When we finally met again, in The World That Never Was, you clung to my hand, fell to your knees, and cried. You were so happy to see me, so relieved that I was okay. You never so much as brought up the circumstances we'd last parted under. You accepted my appearance the instant you knew it was me.

We should have been on slightly awkward, slightly shaky ground, after everything that had happened between us. I don't like to admit it, but that was a part of the reason I'd avoided you for as long as I had. Why I tried to walk away even after reuniting with you and Kairi.

I didn't want a happy moment tainted by us trying to work out where we stood with each other.

But apparently, you didn't have any doubts. You forgave me. No, more than that – you acted like there was nothing to forgive.

And when I explained about Roxas… we had to remind you that you'd lost your Heart once.

You'd forgotten. How do you forget something like that?

Was it Namine's fault, for messing with your memories, and then not being able to put you back exactly the way you were? Was it Roxas', struggling so hard not to lose the identity that was all he had left? Was it mine, for causing the chain of events that resulted in you losing your Heart in the first place?

What happened to you, Sora?

When I dove into your dreams to rescue you, and found the Islands… of course, it's not surprising that that's the landscape of your Heart. But Roxas was there, and – another Roxas, or someone identical to him. And a girl who looked like Kairi (why do I feel like I should have recognized her?).

They asked me what I was afraid of, what I cared about most, what I wished.

I'm sure those questions mean something to you. But even more than that, I felt like those questions meant something to _them. _It wasn't random, which of them asked me which question.

They weren't just there to give me the chance to save you. I can't shake the uneasy feeling that they need help, too.

Are they pieces of you, Sora? The pieces you lost along the way? And when they were put back, instead of reintegrating, you accepted them as separate people and just let them be themselves, didn't you? Even subconsciously, you didn't want them to lose who they had become.

That's just like you. That much, at least, hasn't changed.

But if you break something, even if you tape it back together again, you can still see the cracks, and know what the separate parts are. You know that, if you pull a piece hard enough, the tape will come off and you'll be broken again.

What have you lost, through the cracks in your Heart?

Who could have gotten in?

If I had never opened the door for the Darkness… if I had realized that Maleficent was lying to me, that power wasn't the answer… if I hadn't let Ansem into my body… Would you have stayed whole?

I don't know.

What I do know is, you've changed.

And so I can't help but wonder, is it my fault?


End file.
